There are more than likely more victims

What real life bloke ‘as ‘ad an untold amount of tabloid articles and opinions, 27 butcher ‘ooks, 19 movies, and 3 telly shows about the chuffin’ individual. That bloke even ‘as a Facebook page, and yet, da identity of this bloke is unknown to history, right?

Would ya know who I were goin’ on about if ya also knew da bloke murdered at least 5 ruddy ladies in London back in 1888, eh?

Of course I’m talkin’ ‘bout Jack the Ripper, right. ‘e remains one of da bloomin’ most recognized unsolved whodunits in ‘istory. As barney Rubble-and-strife and myself are gonna be in London ‘dis summer, I supposed now would be a great time ter delve into this mystery.        

Da bloomin’ five tarts authorities favor to da Ripper slaughterin’ was Mary Nichols, Annie Chapman, Elizabeth Stride, Catherine Eddowes, and Mary Kelly. There are more than likely more victims. Da bleedin’ murders twas carried out in da fall of ’88 over in da Whitechapel district. I’ll make us a nice cup a tea.  It’s fairly ironic these poor bints are lesser known than da goon who killed them but is a tradition I ‘ave no intention of changin’ wiv this story.

Over a ‘undred blokes was identified as possible suspects, right, and over 600 letters received by the bobbies from the chuffin’ Ripper. One-‘undred-thirty-five years after bein’ savagely murdered, right, researchers think they are copping closer to the Rippers identity. Nevertheless, some blokes can’t agree.

The bobbies received a letter in the autumn o’ ‘88 called the “Dear Boss Letter.” Some bloke claimin’ ter be the bloody murderer and dubbed ‘imself “Jack the chuffin’ Ripper.” The murders stopped in late ‘88, leaving da bobbies to speculate da bloomin’ Ripper fled or died. O’ there was no shortage of suspects by the bleedin’ bobbies and several sleuthin’ authors, as I will relate.

Crime author Patricia Cromwell believed da bleedin’ Ripper was Walter Sickert, a German-British painter. She detailed ‘er reasons in a 2002 butcher’s ‘ook called “Ripper-A Case Closed.”      

In 2023 a bobby’s volunteer named Sarah ‘orton claimed ter ‘ave recognized the bleedin’ Ripper by medical records. There were also witness descriptions of the bleedin’ man wiv the victims jest afore they were murdered.

‘orton’s interest came from ‘er grandfather, ‘imself an amateur sleuth who worked the bleedin’ case. Cor blimey guy, would I lie to you. She used ‘is papers ter announce da bloomin’ killer were ‘yam ‘yams, a cigar maker proficient wiv a knife. The bloody bloke were livin’ in Whitechapel. An alcoholic and ep…ileptic, right, ‘e spent numerous stints in asylums, right.

‘yams, a right vicious bloke, suspected ‘is strife ‘ad been cheatin’ on ‘im and ‘ad assaulted ‘er many times. The bloomin’ bloke were also unable ter straighten ‘is knees, givin’ ‘im an odd way of walkin’, which were noted by da chuffin’ onlookers, right. Skeptics dispute these facts ain’t enough ter identify ‘yams as da Ripper. By the bloody fall o’ ‘89 ‘yams were permanently committed ter an asylum. Right.  

In September 2014, mole…cular biologist Jari Louhelainen claimed DNA testing pointed ter another bloke, Aaron Kosminski. Five years latter, da bloomin’ Journal o’ Forensic Science agreed Kosminski were the Ripper. Their claim came from a shorl supposedly belongin’ ter Catherine Eddowes. Blood and semen was found on da shorl, right, which researchers linked ter a relative of Kosminski.

Kosminski were listed on the bloomin’ bobbies notes durin’ da Ripper investigation. Known as a bloke who ‘ated bints, ‘specially prostitutes, right, and ‘ad strong ‘omicidal tendencies. ‘e too were committed ter a lunatic asylum in ‘89.

In 2017 Robert Smith wrote a butcher’s ‘ook about da Ripper, claimin’ to have proven da truth of a diary as that of merchant James Maybrick. In da diary Maybrick declared himself bein’ the Ripper, jest afore bein’ poisoned by his strife. Maybrick admitted killing da five women, as well as a couple others. ‘e ‘ad details only the bleedin’ true murderer would ‘ave known, right? Yet, the bugger never left his real name in it.        

Maybrick’s last line in the bloomin’ diary, dated May 3, ‘89 twere, “Yours truly, Jack the Ripper.” A few days later, Maybrick were dead, do wot Guvnor!

Australian scientist, Ian Findlay used new procedures in 2006 ter recover DNA from stamps and envelopes licked by da Ripper. ‘is results gave a shockin’ new suspect, right, a tart named Mary Pearcey.  Pearcy were executed for murderin’ ‘er luvr’s partner wiv a knife and leavin’ the bleedin’ body on da footpath.  Before bein’ hanged, da bloody bobbies ‘ad already begun ter suspect she might be Jill the bloomin’ Ripper.

From all tda bloody research dis ole Cockney sparrow done, ‘e thinks da bleedin’ Ripper was that Kosminski bloke. I’ll cop out me spoons afore I cop there wiv me strife.