A Super Bowl Meditation

o, I wrote to the NFL to see about advertising the books I authored during the Super Bowl. Thirty seconds would cost $7 million, I was told.

That’s out of my budget.

I asked about a one-second commercial. That would be $233,333. Still way out of my budget. Oh well — maybe next year.

In case you weren’t aware, there will be a Super Bowl played next Sunday, February 8th. The participants will be the Seattle Seahawks and the New England Patriots. Between those two teams — and the announcement that Bad Bunny will headline the halftime show — I’m not sure I even want to attend a Super Bowl party. I suspect this officially puts me outside the target demographic.

There is absolutely nothing that interests me in this event this year. I may watch the Puppy Bowl instead. At least the participants seem happy to be there — and none of them feel the need to ridiculously gyrate in the end-zone while collecting an already generous paycheck.

Defying all known economic logic, the NFL has still not discovered the point at which it has priced itself out of the ability to pack stadiums. I know — this rant appears every year around this time from pundits looking to fill a column, and I’m no exception.

Consider this:

A decent Super Bowl seat now costs about $6,000… per butt.

For perspective, the price to see the Packers whip the Chiefs in the first Super Bowl in 1967 was six dollars.

After the ticket, fans still have to book airfare, hotel rooms that mysteriously triple in price, ground transportation, and — oh yes — concessions. A couple attending the Super Bowl will spend, at minimum, $15,000 to watch one football game.

Given those prices, I won’t be able to afford to see the Packers play in next year’s Super Bowl unless I donate a kidney. There are far too many Packers fans in my family, and they would all want to go.

Sorry, kids.

NBC pays the NFL roughly $2 billion for broadcast rights, which includes the Super Bowl. On top of that, the league will collect another $650 million — possibly closer to a billion — from advertisers. Add merchandise sales, licensing, and team gear the NFL has their fingers in, and the number climbs even higher.

From that mountain of money, the NFL will pay the winning players about $171,000 each, or roughly $9 million total for the 53-man roster. The losers get about $96,000 each, or $5 million.

So out of nearly $3 billion, about $14 million goes to the players. And here’s a fun detail: the NFL doesn’t pay the coaches at all. That comes straight from the team owners.

Then there’s the Super Bowl ring. Each one costs around $40,000. The NFL covers about a quarter of that, with the rest picked up by the owner. Salary, bonuses, jewelry, endorsements — yes, the players do just fine. But it all pales in comparison to what the league itself collects.

If everyone boycotted the game, I’m guessing there would be no more $6,000 seats or $50 T-shirts. I’m not silly enough to think that will happen. I am just dreaming.

Here’s a statistic that might actually blow your mind:

It’s estimated that over a billion dollars will be spent on chicken wings for the Super Bowl.

And another: the halftime performers don’t get paid –  just their expenses and production costs. That might explain why the show often feels less like a concert and more like a very expensive commercial break.

Finally, it’s estimated that more than $23 billion will be wagered on the game. Billion, with a “B.”

I personally just plunked down a hundo on the Seahawks to beat the spread, which means the Patriots will absolutely win. Every New England fan should have to give me a dollar for guaranteeing the outcome.

Three hours of football. A lifetime of commercials.

And somehow, we all still show up.

Us fans are paying dearly for this extravaganza. Eventually, at some undetermined point, the event will surely out-price itself for the average fan.

It has me.

The television will be on next Sunday, of course. But for at least a few of us, the game is already over.