My late father, never one for delicacy, used to call me a suspicious bastard. He meant it as a loving critique. I took it as a compliment.

Maybe it’s because I grew up in Chebanse, Illinois—a town so small you can smell fresh-cut hay and fresh-cut BS from the same back patio. We Chebansinites (yes, I coined that) have always had a nose for crap. And what the DOJ rolled out this week reeks.

Attorney General Pam Bondi stood at a podium Monday, looked the American people squarely in the eye, and declared that no Epstein client list exists. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

Worse still, FBI Director Kash Patel and Deputy Director Dan Bongino nodded along like bobble-heads in the backseat. No list. No files. Just trust us. And you know what, Kash and Dan? I used to.

Let that sink in: No more Epstein-related files will be released. Which implies that there are files. So let me get this straight: the files exist, but we, the Great Unwashed, are not allowed to see them? And we’re supposed to believe they’re being handled properly behind closed doors by the same institutions that brought us the Warren Commission, Crossfire Hurricane, and Epstein’s final night on Earth?

Do they think we’re that stupid? They must. And I resent it.

Look, I’m a die-hard MAGA conservative. I’ve voted red since Reagan. But this kind of bureaucratic sleight of hand is exactly what makes decent people lose faith in the whole damn system, regardless of who’s behind the wheel. Epstein was a serial predator, a pimp to the powerful, a troll who trafficked underage girls to the rich and connected.

Earlier this year, Bondi told Fox News the Epstein file was sitting on her desk. Now she claims it never existed.

What happened? Did it sprout legs and dive into a shredder?

Here’s what we do know: The DOJ reportedly possesses more than 10,000 videos and images, many allegedly containing child sexual abuse material and “other pornography.” And now they’re locking it all away.

Supposedly, someone is reviewing the footage. Here’s an idea, Pam: when that someone watches the tapes, have them write down the names of the nude old guys and make the damn list. It’s not rocket science.

Alternatively, offer Epstein’s former madam, Ghislaine Maxwell, a “Get Out of Jail” card in exchange for every name she can recall. Three months off her sentence for each one. I wouldn’t be surprised if she already asked and was told to keep quiet or join the ever-growing Epstein boneyard.

Because let’s not forget: Epstein’s “suicide” was a joke. The cameras failed. The guards fell asleep. His cellmate got moved. It reads like a lost chapter from the Clinton-era playbook.

Then Attorney General Bill Barr called it a “perfect storm of screw-ups.” Sure, Bill. And Jimmy Hoffa’s flipping pancakes in Des Moines with Elvis.

And now that the boneyard is expanding. Let’s take a look:

• Jean-Luc Brunel – French modeling agent, accused of procuring girls for Epstein. Hanged in his Paris jail cell.
• Steve Bing – Hollywood financier with rumored Epstein ties. Jumped to his death in 2020.
• Thomas Bowers – Deutsche Bank exec who approved Epstein’s accounts. Died by suicide in 2019.
• Mark Middleton – Former Clinton aide tied to Epstein’s White House visits. Shotgun to the chest, electrical cord around the neck—ruled a suicide.
• Virginia Giuffre – Epstein’s most vocal accuser. Said she was molested by men on this list, including Prince Andrew. Died by suicide this past April in Australia.

Coincidences? Not likely. We’re being lied to. Again. By yet another American bureaucracy.

I don’t know who’s pulling the strings, but it needs to stop. If Trump is the only one with the guts and authority to demand answers, then he needs to step up and do it right now. Prove it, dammit, Mr. President. If you don’t, it becomes a stain on your legacy, too.

I’m not ready to jump ship to Musk’s ridiculous “American Party.” Trump is still doing more good than harm for this country. You don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

But I have to ask, Mr. President – did you find a spot in the Swamp that’s comfortable?