A parody of sorts…

Breaking News – CNN – Atlanta GA – (May 20, 2024) – CNN will host a presidential debate between our beloved President Joe Biden and Trump on June 27th at 9:00 PM ET. It will be held at the Atlanta studio, and the public is not invited so as not to confuse President Biden. Jake Tapper and Dana Bash will be the moderators for the historic event.

It might go something like this.

“Good evening and welcome to the 2024 presidential debate. I’m Jake Tapper and this is my co-host Dana Bash. So, let’s get right to it. Dana.”

“Thank you, Comrade Tapper. Good evening Mr. President.”

Biden: “Good evening to you Dana. You sure smell good.”

D: (Blushing) “Thank you Mr. President. It’s Chanel No. 5. First question though will be directed at Trump. Hey Trump, how can you sleep at night.”

Trump: (Grins) “Naked, and with a super model.” 

D: (Glaring at Trump) “President Biden, how might you be able to turn around this economy.”

B: (Yawns) “What’s wrong with it.”

D: (flustered): “Well, sir, the polls show the peasants, er, people, are saying the prices of groceries and gas are too high. Can you get the prices down, sir?”

B: (Looking at the camera and grinning): “I already have.”

D: (now gushing): “I thought so Mr. Prez. Thank you so much. I think it’s your turn, Jake.”

B: (fist balled up): Jake, you want me to knock some sense into that bas*** before you begin. I used to do that when I fought with Corn Pop ya know.”

Jake: “That won’t be necessary, sir. But thank you for offering.”

B: “OK, but I can do it, ya know. Back in college, where I was valedictorian and salutatorian, I was also the lightweight champ in my division. Used to knock people out all the time.”

J: (Smiles warmly at Biden before turning to Trump. His smile fades): “Trump, I suppose you think you can get the prices down.”

Trump: Starts talking but nothing is audible.

J: “Oops, sorry folks at home. We forgot to turn on Trumps mike. Turns away from Trump to smile at Biden. “Mr. President, sir, thank you very much for being here. Our second question, sir, is what you will be doing about the Roe v. Wade decision? As you know, there are millions of people that want that decision overturned and put back on the books.”

B: (covering yawn with fist) “What decision?”

J: “I’m sorry, Mr. President. I must have not spoken clearly. Anyway, the Court overruled the Roe v. Wade decision. Will you expand the Court in your next term so we can get around their absurd decisions.”

B: (eyes are closed) “You talking to me?”

J: Yes sir. Let me repeat the question. The Court overruled the Roe v. Wade decision. Will you expand…”

B: (interrupts Tapper) You bet your (bleep) I will Jack. I’ll appoint four or maybe six more justices so we can get some (bleep) done. And that’s a fact, Jack.”

J: It’s Jake, sir, but you can call me Jack if you wish.”

T: (Inaudible)

J: “Hold your horses, Trump. We’ll turn your mike back on as soon as Dana asks you another question.”

B: (pointing at Trump) “Don’t make me come over there and whip you.”

D: (scowling) “Trump, on the off chance you do get elected, what is your plan for the millions of wonderful new immigrants that have come across our border?”

T: “Deport them, and I will…” (rest of sentence becomes inaudible.)

J: (smiling) “Oops, I think I might have cut your mike again, Trump. My bad.”

D: (turning to Biden) “Mr. President, sir, what do you intend to do at about the border?”

B: (eyes shut) “What about it?”

D: “Well sir, it seems most folks would like to see the border closed now.”

B: “You mean it isn’t? That little Cuban Mayorkas told me it was under control. I’ll talk to him and get back to you, Dana. Boy you smell good. When me and my daughter used to shower together I’d put that Chanel…” (His mike is shut off and the camera quickly pans away.)

J: “Trump, do you think you will stay out of prison before the election?”

B: (turns to Trump snickering) “Not if me and Garland have anything to say about it.”

T: “Well, you know Jake it’s all a witch hunt. These judges are all… (the audio goes silent.)

D: (giggling) “Oops, now I did it, Jake. Accidentally turned off Trumps mike. It’s so easy to do with this giant red knob that says Trump mute they installed.”

Dana and Jake both laugh hardily. Just then a shot rings out from the back of the studio. Trump ducks just as the bullet whizzes by his head, lodging in the wall behind him.

Five Secret Service agents swoop in to remove Biden from danger, leaving Trump vulnerable. Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi are seen running out of the front of the building. Hillary has a gun in her hand. Nancy is heard screaming, “No matter what we do, we can’t stop him!”

Epilogue –The FBI launches an investigation into the Biden assassination attempt. Trump readies himself for the next debate, to be hosted by ABC in September. He will now square off against California governor Gavin Newsome, who replaced Biden during the August Democrat convention upon orders from Barrack Obama.

The FBI investigates Clinton and Pelosi’s involvement. Before the investigations are completed, AG Garland decides not to bring charges due to the age of the two battleaxes.