WHAT PRESIDENT OBAMA SHOULD SAY IN HIS FAREWELL SPEECH TUESDAY...
Scratching and clawing to preserve some sort of legacy, President Barack Obama will give a farewell speech this coming Tuesday in Chicago. Here is what he should say...
"My fellow Americans, and to you illegal immigrants too;
I picked Chicago to give my farewell speech, not because it is considered my home town, but it is where I learned the tactics that got me to the White House and keep those pesky Republicans in check. Where else could a community organizer have accomplished what I did by doing it the 'Chicago Way'.
So, to begin with, I want to apologize to far-left liberals, the disenfranchised, and especially black Americans, for believing blindly in me so deeply and passionately, despite the fact that in eight years, I did absolutely nothing positive for you. Look at how much I helped the LGBQT community though;
I'm sorry to the middle class for insuring twenty million Americans and unleashing a massive bureaucracy, all on your backs. I knew it was not going to be affordable and that you could not keep your doctor, but hey, I tried. And I really thought someone in Congress would actually read the darn thing before they voted on it;
I express regret to BB Netanyahu and the Israeli people for trying to undermine your election just because, well, I didn't like you. But when that failed, I was able to turn our back on your country with the United Nations, despite the fact your country is the only democracy in the Middle East and has always had our support. Hopefully, your people will be able to endure, even if you do not;
Now that I think about it, I really regret adding nearly $10 trillion to the national debt, knowing full well we may never be able to pay that money back. I had no idea that was more debt than all the 43 presidents before me, combined;
And for causing race relations to reach a low not seen since the 60's, I apologize profusely. That was just a joke about having a son like Trayvon. Probably, in retrospect, I should have never let Eric Holder unleash such a great divide between the black community and law enforcement groups. I know realize ALL live matter in our country;
You know, I really did think ISIS was a JV team. Who knew they would be such a pain in the as..butt. I guess I should have listened better to my generals and headed this off before it got so much traction. My bad;
And as I look back on it now, I probably should have not taken so much of Warren Buffett's advice and, well, his money. Perhaps we should have allowed that whole Keystone XL Pipeline thing. After all, Mr. B is sufficiently wealthy and could have done without the extra revenue on his personal railroad. I guess the construction of that pipeline might have created some more jobs and efficiency for our oil imports. Sorry, dudes;
Man, I know I really need to apologize to Conservatives and Tea Party groups for allowing the IRS to target them. I knew that was not the way America works. And I also know people like Lois Lerner and John Koskinen belong in prison for their actions. With a little luck, America, maybe the Donald will take care of my omission;
Then there was that little matter of Lisa Jacks followed by Gina McCarthy running the EPA. Oops. Sorry about that, too. I know they acted like Czars and throttled business with their constant edicts and dishonesty to the American people about mans effect on global warming. I now realize they didn't do such a great job and that may have been harmful to our economy. Hope it doesn't leave too bad a mark;
In hindsight, all those executive actions might not have been the best idea either. For that I ask for forgiveness too. Boy, I hope Mr. Trump doesn't throw them all out, though! Gee Whizz! I ask you, what would you have done with that do-nothing 13% likability Congress?
Yeah, I suppose I should have golfed less. And I might have at least brought it up to Michelle to quit spending so much of your money on her personal travel, but come on folks, we all know how mean she can be. Besides, the girls and my mother-in-law got to see the world and isn't that important?
And finally, that whole backing of Hillary Clinton thing. Well...I knew she was not qualified to run this country and that she was only after more power and your money. Her and I used to email back and forth about some of the stuff she was pulling off, but we never dreamed you all would find out. But...you know... I told you about all this when I originally ran for president back in 2008. Now I have my legacy to think of and I just know the Donald isn't going to keep it all intact! So I ask you, what would you have done in my place? Sorry, folks, I just didn't have another option. Gosh, I hope you understand and will think warmly of me.
Well, I got to get back to DC now. They are building that new wall around our new home and I need to be there to supervise its construction to make sure none of those illegal aliens are able to get in our house. I just don't trust those people, folks. See ya."